do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
