I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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