Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
