Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
