I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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