that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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