I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
