I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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