O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
