singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
