You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize