God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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