Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize