Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
