Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
