it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
