Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
