3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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