I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
