Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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