Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize