One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
