So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
