Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
