so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
