I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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