hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
