Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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