he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
