If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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