hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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