You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
