oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize