I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
