yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
