I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
