Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
