as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's the barista slut.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
