Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
