Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
