yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
