Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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