apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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