Whod you bang
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
