i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize