a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Text me some of your sweat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
