The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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