I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
