why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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