Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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