If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
