Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
