my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
