I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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