Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
