She's JV to your varsity
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
A+ Viking dick
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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