he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
