if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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