i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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