I wish my penis had an off switch
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
