next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
