I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh god the rape fog is back!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize