Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
